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Realization

It’s hard to realize or finally accept the fact that you are growing up. I act childish and do stupid things because its part of my personality. But its a way to keep myself away from the reality that I’m growing up. To be honest, I’m freaking scared. haha. Because this summer is my last summer as a high school student. After these three months of summer break, I’m back in school. Then 10 months of school, I’m finished with high school and moving on. Throughout all of this, I will continue to grow up and its something I don’t want to accept. As of right now, I feel really scared going into the future. I’m scared but at the same time I’m trying to find some excitement out of it. I know people say don’t worry about the future and live in the present but its not working for me. I just can’t stop thinking and worrying about my future. Its hard but hopefully I can just take in this realization as a positive thing to my future. But I just don’t want to grow up yet. I don’t feel that I’m ready to grow up. I feel like I’m still too dependent on my siblings for help in everything I do. This feeling is just too overwhelming to bare. I just wanted to vent about this because its the start of my summer break and I’m having doubts about my summer plan. My summer plan was to play basketball for my high school team and do whatever else that comes up. But now I don’t think I can play basketball because of family plans that I want to do and upcoming summer program that Imma do. And just because of what one of my teachers and a football coach told me. Coaches look for players that can give hard work and full commitment. I can give hard work, NO I can guarantee hard work but a full commitment I just can’t do. Like I’ve been missing some practices already in the summer, where I should have all the time to practice but I don’t because of other activities I’m doing. Just imagine when I’m back in school. I don’t think I can handle everything. I’m mentioning because its part of growing up. I want to do basketball but its not blending well with everything else I’m planning to do. I’m a person that wants everything but part of growing up is also realizing that you can’t always get what you want. Well I think I said enough and vented enough too. This is probably the longest post I ever did. haha. Later